When words kill

All rights reserved © 2012, 2019 Louis Antonio Abate, D.C.

The senseless and tragic death of Rutgers University student, Tyler Clementi, has left me feeling raw, hollow, angry and extremely sad.

Tyler took his own life after his roommate posted to the internet intimate sexual encounters between Tyler and another man.  Tyler’s suicide was one in 6 over the past several weeks since school started. All of the children who committed suicide did so as a result of cyber-bullying.  The more I read the more I fell into sadness, depression, and anger.  6 children gone in 3 weeks, 12 over the last few months, all to bullying.

When I was younger I was the target of bullies.  Many lived adjacent to us, or just a few houses away. As a twin we were already different.  Add to that a strong Italian, catholic family who valued homework over hanging out, academics over athletics, and math over malls.  Just walking to and from school was a nightmare.  Once in school, thankfully we didn’t have to hear the taunts and jeers of the bullies; but when the bell rang at 2:30pm I began to sweat, get nauseous, and plan out a dozen different ways to get home without seeing someone who wanted to punch me in the face just because I was different.

Our parents told us to ignore them, that they would get tired and leave us alone. One halloween, while walking home from 6th grade the bullies attacked with eggs and shaving cream. I followed my parents advice and tried to ignore them. “Ignore them, Louis, you are better than they are” was my mantra as I was getting pelted with eggs and doused in shaving cream. I thought “they will see it doesn’t bother me and will leave me alone.” All it did was make sure they continued until I got to our driveway. I certainly didn’t feel like I was better than anyone after that.

The next bit of advice our parents gave was to stand up to them. “That way they will know you aren’t weak and they won’t pick on you” was my mother’s advice. This advice didn’t work in my case either. But it did allow the disparate band of bullies to find community in harassing and persecuting me. I felt completely powerless.

People often say “kids will be kids” as an excuse or means of not getting involved in bullying. But in the case of the 12 students and Tyler Clementi, in particular, “kids being ‘kids’” has resulted in the permanent loss of some amazing children.

Many parents are wondering what they can do, how they can protect their children.

I believe we need to first and foremost teach our children that every word we speak carries with it a certain vibration and as a result a certain consequence. Dr. Masaru Emoto has shown in his book Messages in Water that every word carries a different vibrational energy with it. He has shown that the word ‘love’ produces a very different crystalline structure in frozen water than the word ‘hate.’

If we begin to understand that every word, thought, action has an effect not only on us, but also on those around us, then we will begin to understand that calling someone names, harassing them, or bullying them will produce consequences. The things we seem to hate in another, are those things we dislike about ourselves, but refuse to admit. We may not think we are bullies, but every unkind word we speak or thought we have will be manifested somewhere in the world. Being unwilling to be aware of, or acknowledge those aspects of ourselves will only have them amplified around us.  It is our responsibility to move towards acceptance of those alienated parts.

When I find myself thinking or saying unkind words about another person; whether I am complaining at the slack-jawed tourist or the obnoxiously loud coffee-shop patron who feels the need to have everyone overhear his conversation, or muscle-bound guy at the gym-it’s not really about them.  What I am really doing is a desperate attempt at not focusing on those painful parts of myself. Those parts that I have deemed so unworthy that I disconnected and alienated myself from them. It is easier to find fault with another than to turn the microscope on yourself and acknowledge that I am, at time, unaware of people around me, or slow-moving, or really loud, etc.  The awareness of these ‘faults’ in myself afford me the opportunity to forgive myself for having these thoughts, words, deeds.  Ultimately, we move to forgiving ourselves for believing the lie that we are separate.

By doing so we can manifest our internal healing outwardly as compassionate treatment of others. Extending this compassion will help others find their own forgiveness and thus outwardly express compassion.  At Illuminare Wellness I utilize The Epstein Technologies™ of NetworkSpinal™, Somato Respiratory Integration™, and EpiHealing™ which are important tools to recognize and integrate those hurt and alienated parts of oneself, to become a whole person able to process through one’s shortcomings and to transform those shortcomings into positive actions that not only help the world but also contribute to our own growth and fulfillment.

We need to begin to recognize that every person has a unique gift to share with humanity. One that is necessary for the advancement and evolution of the human race. When that person is bullied into taking their life, we all, as one human race, lose. We lose that person; we lose their precious gift. In Tyler Clementi’s case one of his gifts was his amazing violin playing—and that has been silenced forever.

Call 646-945-7370 to see how NetworkSpinal can help you transform those old hurts into positive action.